According to one 2013 study, a small group of people — well-to-do men and unmarried women — who are seeking casual sex experiences in a setting that matches their ideal of who is or is not cool, are frustrated when they find themselves near or with people who are not up to their standards. Casual sex in these settings can lead to feelings of loneliness or depression for the people who don’t fit in, which is especially the case if there’s an expectation that you’ll say and do things that will make others like you or want to be like you. Whether that’s being more outgoing at a party or wearing a different hairstyle, it can mean that you might feel hurt if someone doesn’t fit in, which can put a damper on your feel-good experience.
While you may be eager to sleep with a specific person, there is no guarantee that you’ll be able to do so, or that you’ll get what you’re after. Casual sex can be fun, even with a stranger you just met on an app. That said, casual encounters can lead to complicated, emotionally complicated relationships, and if that’s not what you want, you should run the other way as fast as you can.
While casual sex is happening everywhere these days, the idea that casual sex is the future is a misconception. We may not think so, but having casual sex is in fact quite old — during the 12th century, in Norway, the word for casual sex was ‘fiskele’ (‘loveth’), and was used in place of ‘elsk’, according to historian Tracy Cochran.
The day-to-day. The day-to-day is as complicated as we make it. Go to work in a dress that’s meant to be worn on casual Fridays and an enormous ring that’s absolutely not a man’s. Sit down at a table at a restaurant that is well known for its skirt-enshrouding chairs (and people-enshrouding skirt wraps). Wash it all down with a dirty martini. And yes, chances are, it’s going to be casual sex, at least until you go back in time.
How do you know you want to have sex with someone you just met?
All it takes is a look. A glance tells you whether you can risk a verbal commitment — and in fact, that’s often a pretty solid indicator of whether or not you actually want a commitment. «When meeting someone for the first time,
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If casual sex is causing you stress, and in turn is affecting your health, “you’re actually a casualty of an epidemic of sexual insecurity,” says Dr. Brian Wright, sexologist and author of Sex Diaries: True Stories of Lovers Who Love to Fuck. “We’re very quick to judge, we’re very quick to project things on to other people,” Wright continues. Whether it’s hooking up online after a few drinks or texting a cute guy back that you’d like to have lunch, everyone wants to feel desired. It’s easy to trust and get closer to someone in a short period of time, says Wright. “It’s seductive, it’s distracting.”
The problem is, any relationship dynamic is predicated on trust. You have to put your guard down and be vulnerable. For some, that’s a challenge. “But if someone wants to be vulnerable, then we as a culture should be vulnerable to them and really support them,” he adds.
The actual sexual act can be taken for granted when it’s your first time or with someone you’re comfortable with, but once it becomes a regular thing, the risk factors have to be more carefully considered. The same goes for kissing, whether you’re sleeping with someone or just casually making out with someone for a bit.
While casual sex can certainly make things more fun — and sometimes exciting — there are real ways that it can adversely affect your health. Your body is a complex biome that depends on a lot of things to function, from digestion to fun stuff like helping build bones and tendons. It’s no wonder that, by hooking up, you’re exposing it to all sorts of things that it could theoretically get sick from. Casual sex is one of the most common causes of STIs.
The timing of your sex life is important. While having sex as soon as you get to the point where you can get down there can be exciting, it’s also one of the riskiest times to be having sex, according to Wright. “If you’re drunk or hung over, you’re basically missing a critical opportunity,” he says. While studies haven’t been done in this area, Wright says that it’s a common reason women end up pregnant. “There’s tons of data to suggest that it does go down [when women are drunk], but again, is it

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